Bossy Mom to the Rescue

Run!...Hide under the bed!...Lock your doors!.....Bossy Mom is at it again! She just flew in on her Bissell broom and she's lookin' to unleash a buttload of chores on some unlucky bystander!!....Aaaaaaaaaahhhh!.......she....got.......me.....

Yes, indeed! I had another close encounter with the incredible Bossy Mom this weekend, but do not fear, I didn't let her trick me with her talk of scrubbing bubbles and hand sanitizers,..no! I stood my ground and stayed firm, (plus my husband was standing behind me holding me there lest I try and run away like the other frightened moms). *giggle*

Well, I have to give her props for being tenacious and unyielding,...this chick does NOT give up easily! I think she seriously missed her calling in life, she should have been an attorney. If I were ever charging someone with a crime, I'd want her for the prosecution. The witnesses would confess to anything just to get her to stop!

My husband is having way too much fun with her, though, I told him he's positively evil. They got into it once again about how we discipline and run our home (can you believe that??) and my hubby really got her worked up this time. He went on and on about what a chauvinist pig he is, how he demeans me, makes me wash the floors with a Q-tip and lick the toilets clean, you get the picture. However, he went a teensy bit too far this time. He accomplished the impossible.

Mrs. Bossy Mom now considers me her newest challenge. I have become the poster child for confused and abused moms and she is championing my cause! I am being "saved" by Bossy Mom! (heaven help me) She even offered to come over to my house and "show me how it's done". With friends like that who needs enemies, right? I was instructed to wash only my own clothes, dishes, and any other mess that belonged solely to ME, and to ignore the needs of everyone else until they beg for mercy, or clean underwear, whichever comes first! Then, she dropped the "S" bomb. She explained that I had to really hit my hubby where it hurts most. No, not his hungry tummy (which I'm also supposed to ignore), but his "needs", if you get my drift. Yes, I have learned that if a husband does not bend to my will and vacume the house like an ardvark sucking up ants, I am to withhold SEX until he's groveling at my nether-regions, and I don't mean my feet people! Oh, she is one bad ass Momma, do not make the mistake of messin' with her, it's playin' with fire, folks.

Apparently, me and Bossy Mom are now united in our cause, we're like "this" (and I didn't even know I signed up!). She told my hubby we are going away for a "girls only weekend" and we're gonna pamper ourselves and drink martinis, and he can just sit in his filthy house and starve and be horny, cuz we are so outta here, dude!

Yeah, so,...if anyone is looking for me next weekend, I'll be chillaxin' with my new BFF down at the spa, okay?

*****This was my feeble attempt at sarcasm. Those of you who think I've lost my mind and crossed over to the dark side of befriending Crazy Bossy Mom can rest easy. That won't happen EVER! It amuses me that she honestly thinks she is "helping" me, geesh!*********